Things Were Kinda Heavy, You Brought Me To Life
by Seb James
Summary: Blaine hated himself for feeling male. He hated that everyone thought of him as Charlotte. He hated that he was scared. Then Blaine met Kurt, and everything changed. FtM!Blaine, trans!Glee, language, self-loathing, depression, Klaine, AU


**Yes, I know how incredibly cliche it is to name a Klaine story with Teenage Dream lyrics, but I couldn't help myself! Please forgive me!**

**So, I recently discovered trans!Glee and I knew that I had to write a story straight away. For those of you who are new to my writing or just didn't know, I'm a FtM transgender so obviously it is something very close to my heart. I think I actually kind of started crying when I realized people actually write trans!Glee.**

**So, without furthur ado, enjoy.**

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><p>He could remember the sadness very well. How miserable he had always felt, how there was a constant reminder of the reason behind his misery every time he so much as looked down. He could remember being scared, so scared about coming out. How was he supposed to explain to his parents, his friends, that he was male? Yes, he could remember clearly just how much he loathed this and wished he could just be a normal girl like the boys in his classes wanted.<p>

That was easily the darkest time of his life. He'd been so depressed and disgusted by his own body, his own mind, that the thought of suicide had been on his mind constantly.

Back then he'd thought the fact that he couldn't go through with it made him weak. A coward. Just how pathetic was he if he was too terrified to even take his own life to escape his cruel excuse for a life?

Those were the nights that his last thought before the tears and sobs finally rocked him to sleep was, "Hopefully I'll just stop breathing. I'll just never wake up and I can be numb forever."

It never happened of course. Back then he'd thought it was just proof that fate hated him. Couldn't his life just end? He didn't believe it could ever get better. Who would love him? Who would want him? His parents would surely kick him out when he told them, his friends would surely leave him behind. If the people he cared for the most didn't love him back, why on earth would anyone else?

And then came Kurt.

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><p>Blaine walked into The Lima Bean dead tired with his mandatory uniform shirt untucked from his mandatory uniform skirt with his mandatory little 'cutsie' uniform tie in a half-assed knot around his neck. School was exhausting. Putting up a false pretense for his friends was exhausting. Life was exhausting.<p>

His first mistake was not looking up from his feet as he made his way to the queue and he realized it the moment his body made contact with another body and hot liquid was suddenly spilled down his chest.

"Motherfucker!" he shouted in a very unmanly squeak to match his very unmanly look. His hand pulled the shirt away from his chest in an attempt to stop the burn and he looked up to see who he'd bumped into.

He blinked. He knew it was incredibly cliched, but he stared in amazement. Blaine _knew_ he was staring, but it was hard not to. The boy before him was gorgeous, even as he fumbled around frantically with a panicked expression.

The boy was digging around in his bag for what Blaine assumed was something to try to clean him with. "Oh Gaga - I'm so sorry - I wasn't even looking - holy mother of - are you alright sweetheart - I'm so sor-"

Blaine's second mistake was finally cracking at _this_ moment, in the middle of a coffee shop, in front of strangers. "Do _not_ call me that," he practically growled in a surprisingly low voice. He regretted it the moment the boy looked up with wide blue-green eyes, looking affronted and a bit hurt.

Blaine softened, his posture becoming slightly less tense. He ran a thin, delicate, _feminine_ hand through that stupidly long curly hair and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just there's a lot... I'm not exactly... I'm just sorry." He looked up hesitantly to meet the boy's eyes.

There was a pause, and then the boy held out his hand. "I think we started off on the wrong foot. Hi, I'm Kurt and I have a shirt in my car that would probably do for at least until you get home." Kurt smiled and cocked his head slightly in the most adorable way.

Blaine's pause was longer. He was sure that the fact that he was torn between two reactions was written across his face. He could either tell Kurt his name was Charlotte as he always had told strangers before, or he could finally get it off his chest and tell this beautiful, random boy that had spilled coffee all over his uniform that his name was Blaine. He thought over it quickly for a few moments before he finally found himself blurting, "Blaine. And that would be very nice, thank you," in the lowest voice he could use while sounding believable.

It was a bit stupid of him, seeing as he was wearing a girls uniform with the shirt clinging to his breasts and that stupid make-up on his eyes and his hair perfectly styled, he knew that. He knew there was really no point in trying to get this boy to believe he was male because everything about him pointed in the opposite. But he still tried.

If Kurt was surprised, he didn't let it show, just grabbed Blaine's hand, pulling him out of the coffee shop and towards a big black vehicle. Blaine didn't know anything about cars, not even what brand Kurt's was, he could just tell it was _really _expensive. Like something his older brother Coop would sucker their parents into buying him for Christmas.

When Kurt had pulled the door open and handed Blaine a simple blue button down, he hesitated for a moment, like he was trying to decide what he should say. He looked at Blaine for a long moment before murmuring, "You can change in the back if you want. The windows are tinted and I'll look away."

Blaine nodded and opened the back door, climbing in. While he practically tore off the stupid little tie and unbuttoned his now ruined white shirt, he secretly wished his skirt had gotten ruined, too. He hated walking around in that thing. It was too short, too girly, too not-him. He absolutely hated how it was mandatory that all girls school. He hated that Crawford Country Day was an all girls school in the first place. He hated that his parents made him go there. If he had to go to private school, he wished it was Dalton Academy.

Pulling on and buttoning the shirt as quickly as he could, Blaine soon jumped out of the vehicle and came face-to-face with Kurt again. After he mumbled another quick 'thank you' and Kurt another 'sorry', they stood there awkwardly, just staring at one another's faces.

And then Blaine did something he'd never done. He let his eyes study Kurt's face for a few more moments, and then said as confidently as he could and in his best manly voice, "I know this is a bit forward, but could I have your number?"

There was silence again. There seemed to be a lot of that happening in this conversation. Then again, it was a very awkward situation in the first place.

Kurt smiled slightly, a bit of shock on his face. "I'm flattered and everything, Blaine, but I thought it was obvious. I'm gay."

Blaine chuckled humourlessly. "Yeah, well that makes two of us, Kurt," he said with a raised eyebrow that was surprisingly bushy and triangular for a 'female'.

"Oh!" Kurt's face turned red and he looked so cute Blaine had to grin at him, "I thought you were asking me out! I'm sorry, that was a bit presumptuous of me."

Blaine's smile turned to a frown that he knew was unnecessary and undeserving. "I _am_ asking you out, Kurt. It's just... nevermind, it was a stupid thought. I knew you'd say no, I'm not even really ready to come out yet. It was dumb, of course you wouldn't want to," he half-explained quietly, turning to go find his vehicle and trying to mask the hurt he knew his face would display.

A hand caught his wrist, forcing him to turn back to Kurt. The beautiful boy looked confused, obviously not understanding Blaine's rambling.

"But... you just said you were gay. As in a lesbian, right? I don't understand what you're saying." Kurt's brow was furrowed and his gorgeous eyes, that looked all blue now, were filled with worry and confusion.

Blaine felt his cheeks heat up quickly. He pulled his wrist away from Kurt's soft hand gently and looked down at his feet, suddenly ashamed. He sighed. "My given name is Charlotte. Ever since I was little I made everyone call me Charlie. I hated dressing like a girl, I loved playing with the boys, and as much as I liked to make all my girl barbies marry each other in so many different pairings it made _me _dizzy, the toys made for boys were always my favourites. And while everyone just thought I was an adorable little tomboy and would grow out of it, I really just thought of myself as male." He looked up to find Kurt watching him intently, and his own eyes teared up a bit.

"When I got old enough to realize what that meant, it scared me. So I started to dress like a girl, wear make-up, did girly things with my friends. But I just could feel that it wasn't me. I was lying to myself. So one day when I was fourteen, I decided it was time to stop. I admitted to myself that while I may have been born biologically female, I _am_ male. I started to allow myself to say male pronouns in my head regarding to myself, and I did research. I gave myself a boy's name, Blaine, and for a while I was happier," Blaine smiled slightly at the memory of it all being fresh and being happy about his personal acceptance.

It quickly was replaced by a deep frown. "But I wasn't ready to come out. You must know well enough how hard it is to just be accepted as_ gay _in Ohio. Imagine trying to tell everyone that despite my boobs and vagina, I'm actually a guy. Who in a place like Ohio is going to accept that? My school may have a zero tolerance for bullying, but that doesn't stop judging, and my parents are crazy, power hungry, all-about-the-image bible thumpers. No one would accept me."

He should have felt weird about telling this total stranger his entire story, but the moment he finished it was like this huge weight lifted from his shoulders. Blaine had finally told someone. It was no longer a secret. Someone besides him _knew_ and it was relieving. And the way Kurt was looking at him with his own tears pooling in those big, beautiful eyes and such a look of acceptance on his face made Blaine's heart jump in happiness.

Suddenly, he was gathered up in two strong arms and his face was pressed into a pale neck. He squeaked in surprise, but soon found himself relaxing in the grip.

"I'm so sorry, Blaine. You don't deserve to feel so unwanted. You're special and amazing and of course I'll give you my number." Blaine heard the boy's voice cracking with emotion and it made the tears stream down his cheeks.

"Thank you."

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><p>They texted and talked on the phone and skyped every day after that. After so short of a time that it sort of frightened Blaine, he was calling Kurt his best friend and Kurt was saying the same about Blaine.<p>

Their first date was just over three weeks since they'd met. Blaine pinned his hair up to try to make it look shorter and wore black dress pants, a thin black tie, black dress shoes and the shirt Kurt had given him to wear that day at The Lima Bean. When he looked at himself in the mirror while waiting for Kurt, he smiled at his reflection for the first time in a long time.

Blaine's mother was the one to answer the door and when he came running down the stairs, she looked at him not-so-subtly with a raised eyebrow. He knew exactly what she was thinking about Kurt, but simply ignored it and turned to smile at the beautiful boy standing a little awkwardly on his doorstep holding a single yellow rose with red tips and Blaine couldn't fight the grin at the sight.

Walking right past his mother, Blaine pulled Kurt into a gentle hug, careful not to crush the flower.

When they pulled away, Kurt was smiling right back at him. He held the rose up to Blaine. "This is for you," his eyes darted to Blaine mother, who was watching them with a small frown, and back quickly, "...Charlie."

Blaine didn't even pay attention to the name and just took the rose, putting it up to his nose and taking the scent in deeply. His eyes closed and a soft smile played on the corners of his lips. "Thank you, Kurt," he breathed and his eyes fluttered open.

Grinning in return, Kurt took his free hand. "Shall we go, then?"

Blaine was nodding excitedly and didn't even turn back to say goodbye to his mother before he started walking, Kurt beside him.

"Remember your curfew is ten-thirty, Charlotte. Have a good night," his mother called in a flat voice that made Blaine cringe. His smile became tight as he turned to look over his shoulder and wave.

Kurt turned as well and said, "Goodbye, Mrs. Anderson," but the woman was slamming the door before he could even finish.

Blaine and Kurt looked at each other. Kurt smiled slightly, "Well, I think she knows I'm gay."

The other boy just looked down. "Sorry about her."

Kurt caught his chin and forced Blaine to look at him. "She doesn't matter. Tonight is about us, okay? So lets enjoy it." He smiled and leaned down to kiss Blaine's cheek.

Blaine was nodding and smiling by the time Kurt had pulled away. Grinning in return, Kurt turned and opened Blaine's door for him before running around to get in the driver's side.

They drove in silence for a while, Blaine wondering where Kurt was taking them. He'd been asking ever since the day Kurt had asked him out on a date just less than a week ago but Kurt refused to tell, saying it was a secret and he didn't want to ruin the surprise.

Blaine smiled down at his rose and broke the silence. "This is my favourite colour of rose, you know." He looked over at Kurt." Do you know what it means?"

Kurt's immediate blush answered the question. "Friendship and... falling in love. And a single rose mean the strongest of devotions," he nodded. He spared a glance at Blaine before turning his gaze back to the road. "We've known each other three weeks, to say I'm falling in love with you. But... I will say that I think I could very easily. And our friendship is the best I've ever had. Even if things don't work out for us romantically, I will always be devoted to our friendship. You mean so much to me, Blaine."

Blaine smiled over at him, quiet for a moment. "You mean everything to me, Kurt, and everything you just said applies to me, too."

Nothing was said for the rest of the car ride because nothing else needed to be said.

Blaine stared out the window as the car finally pulled to a stop. They'd exited the town of Lima a few miles ago and now they were at the edge of a large meadow.

He turned to ask Kurt what they were doing here, but the boy was gone from his seat. Blaine got out and looked around only to find him pulling stuff out of the trunk. He went over as Kurt pulled a blanket out and draped it over his shoulder, revealing a picnic basket. Blaine grinned and grabbed the two small cushions that were sat beside the basket Kurt was now picking up.

"We're having a picnic?" Blaine laughed while Kurt led him towards the middle of the meadow.

Kurt spread the blanket and looked up at him a little worriedly. "It's not lame, is it? I didn't want to take you out to dinner or a movie because everyone does that on a first date. I thought we could eat and talk much more privately and watch the sunset, then watch the stars for a little while."

"It's perfect, Kurt. You're perfect." Blaine hugged him tightly and smiled widely.

They sat down and did just what Kurt had said. The blue eyed boy had made some simple sandwiches and had vegetables and dip as well. They talked about anything and everything, never having an awkward pause or uncomfortable moment. For dessert, they had chocolate covered strawberries. Both grinned the entire time.

Soon, the sun was setting. Kurt, his hand having been entangled with Blaine's at some point in the evening, pulled him closer when he noticed and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder while they watched.

"I've always dreamed of watching the sunset with someone," he confessed while Blaine slipping his hand away and wound his arm around Kurt's waist.

Smiling softly, Blaine turned his head to kiss the top of Kurt's. "Me too. I've never been a real sucker for romance, but this... it's just amazing. Being cuddled up and watching the colours blend together until finally it's just dark. It's beautiful."

Kurt bent his head up to look at him. "You never cease to surprise me," he whispered, but Blaine didn't hear, just stared at the lips that had never been closer to his own.

And then Blaine was leaning down and their lips met in a kiss. He closed his eyes and heard Kurt breathe deeply through the nose before his left hand cupped Blaine's right cheek. It was too short a time before Blaine pulled away and they just stared at each other, studying each other's face, both alight with soft smiles.

Finally, Kurt rested his head back on Blaine's shoulder and they both turned to look at the sky again. It was dark, but neither cared about missing the sun finally set as the stars came out. They laid back, Kurt curled up against Blaine's side, and stared at the stars until it was time to go home again.

They kissed again on Blaine's front porch, and he watched as Kurt drove down the street before running up to his room and screaming happily into his pillow.

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><p>It was two days later when they were meeting for coffee that Kurt took Blaine's hand across the table, smiling but looking incredibly nervous, and asked the hazel-eyed boy to be his boyfriend. Blaine got so emotional that tears started to pool in his eyes that he quickly blinked away. Grinning, he stood while pulling Kurt up with him and hugged the boy tightly.<p>

Standing in the middle of The Lima Bean, he happily choked out a 'yes', not minding one bit that people were probably staring as a rebel tear rolled down his cheek.

Kurt pulled away and kissed him once on the lips. It was chaste, but Blaine still blushed and his smile widened even more.

Staring up at Kurt's beautiful eyes with their arms around each other in a crowded coffee shop with a few very confused football players glaring at them, Blaine had never been happier.

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed that! Much of Blaine's emotions, especially in the intro, are very much based on things I dohave felt before. I haven't even come out yet. I'm like Blaine, I'm scared.**

**Anyways, I hope you liked it. What I thought would be a one-shot actually is turning out to be a two-shot (MAYBE a three-shot) because I thought this was a good place to end for now, but I still have many more scenes to add to this story. It should be up withing a few days at the most because I'm very excited to continue writing!**

**Thank you so much for reading!**

**I'm going to shamelessly plug and tell you all that my Tumblr is www . but-iwaspromisedtea . tumblr . com. You can ask me any questions about the story there!**

**Please review! Good or bad, I love to have feedback. Helps me get better (:**

**~Sebby xx**


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